The Trouble with Eavesdropping
by Lady Merlin
Summary: Theres a once-in-seven years event known as Hogwarts Girls' Night Out. Girls love it. No one else gets it. So what happens when Harry, Ron and Draco eavesdrop? Girls' aren't always what they seem... one-shot K for rated discussions. DH implications


The Trouble with Eavesdropping is that you may not always like what you hear. Let's see what happens when Harry, Ron and Draco bump into each other, all the while dropping eaves on the Girls' Night Out.

McGonagall walked up to the front of the hall. She looked displeased. "Ladies and Gentlemen, well actually, Ladies only. The time has come again for," she sighed wearily, "a Hogwarts Girls' Night Out. (Wild cheering and clapping) Some of you may never have heard of this tradition before, but that's because it takes place once every seven years. Many of you know about it, judging by your enthused response (they were cheering and clapping like mad people, grins splitting their faces) because of having to hear your seniors gush on endlessly about it. The date for HGNO is the 6th of March. The leaders from the four houses are as follows, Gryffindor; Hermione Granger, Hufflepuff; Hannah Abbot, Ravenclaw; Parvati Patil and Slytherin; Pansy Parkinson. Please speak to them about your ideas and concerns and they in turn will convey it to me. Good Night," McGonagall said and sighed, walking away.

The whole hall was one whole mass of writhing, screaming excited girls. Harry could have sworn his ear-drums burst when a girl screamed so shrilly that a wineglass on the teachers table shattered. That was the point in time when all those in the following categories,

a) Clueless

b) Adult

c) Male

--decided it would be safer to leave.

The Gryffindor Girl returned to the dorm with insanely excited looks on their faces.

Harry thought it was better to not ask. Ron, being an idiot, decided to do just that.

"What's this all about?"

Hermione and Lavender paused, stared at him incredulously and walked away without another word. "Maybe it's a secret girl thing and they signed a contract in blood or something," Harry pointed out.

Ron nodded violently. "Yeah. Women. Bloody Raving Mad. All of 'em."

Over the next three weeks, the girls refused to talk about anything. Now, even Harry was being driven up a wall with curiosity. The next morning there was a very interesting scene.

"I'm sorry Draco, I can't come!" came a shrill voice from the Slytherin table.

"Why the hell not?" Draco demanded, hair messed up.

"It's HGNO. I'm going, I can't miss this opportunity."

"What on Earth is going on with all the women here? Bloody mass PMSing, I swear," Draco cursed and walked away seething.

That was when Harry decided. He HAD to know what this HGNO was about.

Three nights later, it was the 6th of March. Half the girls had skived off half the lessons. The professors had given up hope a while back, and didn't bother. The most horrifying part was that Hermione was one of them.

When they got off lessons, Harry and Ron sneaked under the invisibility cloak and found a large, unnaturally diverse gathering of females on the Map, in the room of requirement. A lot of people were there, ranging from first years to seventh years, from Slytherin to Gryffindor.

They made their way there, and in the dark, listened carefully. Suddenly, Harry tripped over a grey bundle on the floor. "Damn!" it cursed.

Harry and Ron looked at each other. Harry pulled off the cloak as a person came out from under the grey cloak. "Well, well, what do we have here?" Harry asked, shocked.

"I see a Ferret, don't you, Harry?"

"Why, yes I do… So what are you doing here Malfoy?" Harry asked, smirking.

"Judging by that rare and powerful invisibility cloak in your hand, the same thing I am. Finding out what that stupid HGNO thing is." Draco smirked back. "So. Who has any idea on how we listen to them in the room of requirement?" Draco asked.

"Well, I think we can use an extendable ear," Ron suggested.

"What the hell—" Draco watched as Harry unrolled an extendable ear and plugged it into a crack in the wall. Sitting there, the three boys could hear every word that was being said. The first thing they heard was by Hermione, and it shocked them all. "Who wants Firewhisky?" she asked, to a loud round of cheers.

"Sneaky little witches," Draco cursed. "Make us think they're bloody angels and they drink behind our backs…"

"Tell me about it," Ron hissed.

The next thing they heard was, "What do we want to do now?". That was Pansy.

Hermione replied, "Let's play Truth or Dare. I have Verisitarium!"

"You sneaky little bitch!" Pansy squealed.

Harry and Ron gasped. "Thank you my dear Parkinson," Hermione replied.

Harry and Ron gasped louder. Draco rolled his eyes. "You two are obviously clueless. They're obviously having lesbian sex in closets every time we turn around." Now it was Harry and Ron's turn to roll their eyes.

"Truth or Dare?" Hermione asked.

"Truth." Pansy replied.

"Which Professor would you rather shag?" They could hear her smirk. Draco grinned.

"Err. McGonagall," Pansy replied sounding tetchy. "She has a hot body and I bet she's experienced, unlike Snape. I bet he hasn't laid anyone in years." This was responded to by appreciative laughter.

All three eavesdroppers were revolted. Ron was retching and both Harry and Draco moved away.

"Truth or Dare?" Pansy asked, apparently unaffected.

"Truth," Hermione replied.

"Whom would you rather sleep with, Harry, Ron or Draco?"

Ron grinned. "Obviously me."

"Alright," Hermione said, "what's said in here, stays here, get it?" she demanded. Everyone agreed, so she continued, "Draco."

The 3 guys were dumbfounded. The Girls inside echoed with a 'hear hear'. Draco got over it and smirked. "Sneaky little vixen. I wonder how she is in bed." Ron was about to rip Draco into shreds.

"I mean," she continued, "have you seen his hair?" she demanded. "He's the only guy I know, apart from Zabini- who is obviously gay, who takes care of himself. Only if he takes care of himself he can take care of us, right? And his body. Oh my…" several sighs followed. This was followed by a thump and Hermione's panicked voice, "I think she's fainted. Somebody get me water."

Soon after the emergency was over, Lavender said, "I think I'd sleep with Ron though. He's too cute. He has big hands and I wonder what else…" Harry and Draco moved even further from Ron.

"Speaking of hot guys," Pansy said, "Let's make a list of the top 3 most smexy guys in Hogwarts. We'll put it on a glittering list at the front of the hall tomorrow morning."

"Brilliant idea, Pansy," Hermione said, "but wouldn't it be terribly embarrassing?"

"Oh yes, that's the point. Even if some lucky bitch gets the top three, the other men will be disappointed and will strive harder, so we'll have an overall better quality of men in Hogwarts!" Pansy finished, obviously proud of herself.

"You're brilliant!" Hermione squealed. "I wonder why we aren't friends…"

"Okay. Who votes for Harry Potter, hands up."

After a quick check, Hermione said. "Who votes for Ronald Weasley, hands up."

"Who votes for Draco Malfoy?"

"Blaise Zabini?"

"Is there anyone else?"

There was a murmuring of _no_.

"Well the results follow as such; In descending order Draco Malfoy with a 179, Blaise Zabini with a 96, Harry Potter with a 93 and Ronald Weasley with 1."

Ron stood up and brushed off the invisibility cloak. "My ego can't take this anymore. I'm leaving." He proceeded to leave. Draco couldn't help but smirk. Harry laughed.

"I'm the most wanted boy in town," he did a weird dance.

"Okay! Back to Truth and Dare," Pansy said. "What would you do, if you were locked in a closet with your choice of the top the smexy men?"

"What the hell is 'smexy' anyway?" Harry asked. Draco shrugged.

Parvati replied first. "Oh, I'd strip him naked and make sweet, sweet love to him." There were giggles around the room.

"Who would this lucky boy happen to be?" Hermione asked dryly.

"Draco Malfoy. Have you seen his waist?"

"Oh yes, I have," Hermione replied. Her voice was like honey.

"Well," Draco said thoughtfully, "I should venture into the Gryffindor territory more often if they want me this desperately…"

Pansy cut in, "I think Harry Potter is much more sexy. Oh I'd just love to use his body…"

Harry looked disturbed. Draco laughed. "Never had sex, have you?" Harry shook his head. "Same here."

"Really? I thought you were a womanizing bigot." Harry stated dryly.

"Really? That's so nice!" Draco exclaimed, missing the point by miles.

There was a silence.

"I know!! I have chocolate!!" It sounded like Padma Patil.

"Oh yay!!" echoes several voices.

Harry and Draco exchanged disturbed looks. They liked chocolate as much as the next person, but girls were incomprehensible.

"What do you consider kinky sex?" Hermione asked. Harry couldn't believe his ears.

"Er, nuts and fruit!!" Parvati injected.

"Nah!" Pansy said, scathingly. "Neither of them are fun."

"I know," Hermione agreed. "I'd much rather go with Honey,"

"And chocolate and whipped cream!" Padma said, happily.

"Anyone agrees with handcuffs?"

"Why not," Hermione asked, as if she was shrugging.

Harry wasn't sure this was Hermione anymore.

"I had a dream," she added, "about pouring Honey in that sexy hollow of Malfoy's neck, and licking it away, bit by bit," she said, her voice fuzzing out.

"I had a dream something like that, only it wasn't only his neck," Lavender said, as if she was suggesting much more naughty stuff.

Silence.

"Who wants more Firewhisky!?" Hermione asked out loud, and they heard clinking.

Harry shook his head. "I don't even want to know, anymore."

"I wonder," Draco wondered, "what would happen if we walk in there naked? They'd probably have a mass orgy or something, in our honour."

Harry looked repulsed. "Anyway, I'm heading back," he said. "It was, fun, to say the least, Malfoy," he finished, as if he couldn't believe he was saying these words in the same sentence without the word 'not' in between.

Draco grinned doubtfully, as if he couldn't believe it either. "Yeah. I should get going. I'll have nightmares or something. Who know Hogwarts girls were so sex-deprived?"

"Especially Hermione," Harry said, shuddering.

"Especially Granger," Draco agreed.

"Good night!" Harry said, walking away.

"Yeah, same to you. Get ready to see your name in the Great Hall tomorrow!"

Harry shuddered and walked away.

Draco couldn't believe he was going to walk away from a room full of horny girls. But he did. Potter wasn't all that bad after all, and neither was Granger. Who would have known?

They say that you shouldn't eavesdrop because you might not like what you hear. This was definitely an exception. Wait till Zabini heard.

I know, the ending is off, but it think the idea was there. REVIEW!!

Love,

Lady Merlin


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